Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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