I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
