She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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