guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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