real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
