Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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