if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
