very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
