I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
