Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
