It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
