Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
