Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
