Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He? As in you personified your dick?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
