I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize