first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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