I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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