y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
