i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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