She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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