In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize