it was like his penis was on wheels.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
