I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
