We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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