I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
