id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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