yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
