he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
