If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
