I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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