so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
