omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I supernannyed him into submission
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
