I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
