Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize