I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
