Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize