Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
