Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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