I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
