I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
