Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The maid of honor just puked.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
