whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
