what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize