"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This house was built for laser tag.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
