I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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