he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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