physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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