Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize