I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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