he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
