I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
