Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am naked and annoyed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
