tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
