i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
