im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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