Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
