true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize