I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
