I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
