I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
