Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
