i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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