Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
