CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
