Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
