I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
