So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
