i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
