I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize