im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
