So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
