Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The air taste purple.
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