sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
