Apparently you make a good broom.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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