I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
