do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
