remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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