I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
