Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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