i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
