i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
