And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
