She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
