Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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