He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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