Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
