Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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