I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
