I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
