If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
