hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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