Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
