she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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