I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize